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Mindset Strategies

“You’re so lucky to have Michael!” My response:

By April 19, 201812 Comments

Hey champ,

To celebrate the anniversary of my memoir Unmasked, my publishers just released a brand new edition.

It’s a new edition because of our new, ummm, addition – aka, Hakavai!  I’ve included some new chapters detailing life since Hak was born, so if you haven’t yet read Unmasked this is the version you should read!

In the lead up to release of this new edition, a few journalists have been in touch, keen to know the “secret” to mine and Michael’s relationship.

That’s nothing new. For years now, people have asked us questions like this, and made lots of comments about how we “make it work” too.

The majority of commenters have said to me, in one way or another,  “You’re so lucky to have Michael”.

But I don’t necessarily agree.

Yes, Michael is definitively, and without a doubt, a pretty top bloke. He’s kind, humble, self-effacing, generous and loyal. He makes me a better person.

But luck … nah.

I don’t like how the idea of luck absolves you of any personal responsibility.

My philosophy on relationships is pretty simple. In order to be with the right person, YOU have to be the right person!

What I mean by that is, are you being the person you want to be with?

If you want a relationship that is full of outdoorsy adventures with someone who is mature and in touch with their emotions – are you mature, in touch with your emotions and taking part in outdoorsy adventures?

Now, let me be clear. This is not about changing who you are to become someone you’re not. It’s about being the person YOU want to be, and living the life YOU want to live.

It’s about letting go of this idea that when we find the right person, our lives will fall into place too.

When really it’s the other way around.

It’s your personal responsibility to live the life you want to live – not wait for someone to show you how. Tweet it!

So, today, that’s the question I want to ask you.

Whether you’re looking for a partner, or married with quintuplets, ask yourself this:

“Am I being the person I want to be with?”

Be honest in your response.

After all, we all need a little self-evaluation from time to time. Use it to help you stretch and grow.

And let me know answer in the comments below!

Turia xx

PS If you’re keen to read the new edition of Unmasked, I’ve bundled up signed copies of it for you here.


  • That was spot on Turia!! I always find it insulting when someone puts something I work at down to LUCK!! It’s a silly word. But you guys ARE awesome!! Xxxx

  • Valentina says:

    Hi, dear Turia :) I think this was the most mind blowing email I read from you. I am definitely NOT the person I want to be with and I felt like I was in a slow motion explosion while reading it. Thank you and I very much appreciate your perspective. Now I have some work to do :))

  • Lu says:

    You are so right! I met my Mr Right (and he still is now that we mid-May celebrate out 10th wedding anniversary!) only after I finally decided to be me and live happily with myself. Not expecting someone else to make me happy. Not trying to adjust to being who they wanted me to be. Not that you don’t have to adjust in a relationship. You do! But only for the right reasons and not in ways that make you abandon yourself.

  • Arina says:

    Hi Turia! It is absolutely wonderful what you wrote. Those who believe something like relationships can depend on luck are ridiculous. All real relationships are based on personality! And you got a splendid one, by the way ;)

  • Waleria says:

    Wonderful (and very true) words, thank you for it!! :)

  • Sarah says:

    Hi Turia,
    This is the article I was meant to read right now as I have been struggling with self identity lately and realised that I rely too much on hubby to make the life I want and be the person I want to be (and be with!). Thanks for the reminder and the kick in the butt! Xx

  • Felicity O'Brien says:

    Thank you so much for this awesome post, as always your perspective is enlightening, and inspiring!

  • Tess says:

    Hi Turia,
    I never comment on posts, so this is a first for me, I have thought about this post almost constantly from the moment i read it. So articulate.
    Sometimes It’s difficult to maintain perspective when those around you express their opinions about your relationship status, it makes it hard not to question yourself when you feel perfectly happy until someone reminds you ‘you’re not getting any younger’ and asks ‘how long has it been now?’ Divorce and the break up of my family is the hardest thing I have ever been through (even harder than losing my parents) so I aim every day to be the best version of me & show my daughter how important it is to live a great life, regardless of relationship status. Its not the be all and end all, it shouldn’t define a person.

    Its much more important to be you, resilient, kind and compassionate (also a keenly developed sense of humor doesn’t go astray!) and reflect on your contribution to the world. None of that is luck.

    Thanks for inspiration

  • Joanne says:

    I think I’m a good person, but I am still working on a few goals. Kind of like a work in progress. With that being said, I still think I am the person I want to be with. The qualities I admire about myself are sincerity, kindness, fun, silly, and loving. Not a perfect person, but a person who tries to be good to others & herself. :)

  • Matt says:

    Thanks Turia for abother insightful and honest approach. Really helped me put things in perspective. Cheers

  • Gemma says:

    Thanks so much for sending this email. I am not being the person I want to be with and this is the realisation I needed to make some changes. Thank you!

  • Angie says:

    I get this all the time. My husband has the patience of a saint, he cooks and cleans and is a great dad. I’m a bit flakey and probably need an assistant just to get through life, although I’m the primary breadwinner and I work hard.

    People often say how lucky I am to have him. What a silly thing to say, I am his equal for bringing what I bring into the relationship, nobody knows what happens behind closed doors. We are a great team, and work so well together. Luck has nothing to do with my great relationship, he’s great because I’m great to him.