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Want better answers? Ask better questions

By July 31, 2023No Comments

Hakavai started school this year. He’s loving it. But I’m always curious as to what he actually gets up to at school. Like, who does he sit next to? What did he think of his lunch? Does he play games during lunch time?

So when I pick him up, I’m all excited, and say “My love! How was your day?!”

To which he replies:


And so I say:

“Did you have a good day?”

To which he says:


It’s not the most empowering interaction.

I  asked one of my friends (a counsellor) how to get him to talk.

Her advice?

Ask better questions.

“What was your favourite item in your lunchbox and why?”

“What was the best thing that happened to you today?”

“What was the most interesting thing you learned?”

Asking more specific questions gives the responder somewhere to go to. It’s a bit like that vague question, “tell me about yourself”. Like where do you even start?

So, I tried it.

I started with the lunchbox question.

And, I got an answer. The blueberry muffin at recess.

This advice? It applies to you too.

You need to start asking yourself better questions.

I talk about this more on the podcast. Listen here: