WARNING: Reading this blog may cause nausea and dizziness. It contains flowery, overly descriptive sentences about love and motherhood.
When people ask me to describe what it’s like being a parent, my first thought is usually “Indescribable”.
But that’s a cop-out, isn’t it?! ?
So, today, my first Mother’s Day, I’m going to attempt to describe this new world I’m living in.
The thing is, the way I feel about being a Mum changes all the time, depending on what kind of day I’m having with my son.
It’s contextual. As in:
When I’m breastfeeding, it’s primal. It’s a weird kind of nice to be needed so…. desperately. I swear I can feel myself literally falling towards him with love (thank you oxytocin!).
When he screams at 3 am, I’m irritable (well, I was, until I tried this trick).
When he does something for the first time, I feel like I’m gonna burst with pride (even though the rational part of me knows that most of the 350,000 kids born each day reach these same milestones).
When he’s sick, I’m panicked, anxious.
When I’m sick, I wish he had a volume control.
When he’s sleeping, I feel gratified.
When he smiles, I feel like I have a purpose.
(I warned you, didn’t I?! ?)
When I tell other parents how much I worry about him (Is he too hot? Is he too cold? Is he hungry??!!) they laugh and tell me to get used to it! At night I find myself checking to see if he’s still breathing (my girlfriends have reassured me that I haven’t lost my sanity, and they too did exactly the same thing).
Being Hakavai’s Mum is intoxicating, and scary and incredible.
And underpinning all of it is the most raw and visceral feeling – and that’s the part that’s hard to describe. It’s a kind of love I simply couldn’t have imagined before I had him.
I love his little moro reflex (a vestige from our evolutionary past).
I love his squawks. They sound exactly like a pterodactyl (or how I imagine a pterodactyl would sound), although when he’s really worked up he sounds just like a baby. Funny that!
I love his masses of black hair (admittedly it has thinned somewhat).
His ski jump nose (mine). His ears (Michael’s).
The way his eyes get all doughy and dopey when he’s milk drunk.
I feel like it just can’t be healthy to love someone as much as I love Hak.
But guess what? I wouldn’t change a thing.
To all the strong Mum’s, witty Mum’s, patient Mum’s, to the Mum’s who really need a glass of wine and the Mum’s who are just about to lose it, to the frustrated Mum’s and the blissful Mum’s and everything in between – Happy Mother’s Day.
What a privilege it is to experience all of this.
Love your letters!!
I love your writing and your wit (you are a very funny lady).
I met you briefly when I was with my daughter in Brisbane at a Breakfast Function. Martine was going to do the Interplast Kokoda Trip that you were about to do but had to forfeit that opportunity after having a car accident and whiplash issues.
I would say that over all the years of experiencing motivational speakers at functions you are whole package. You were hilarious and uplifting as well as serious and real! Apart from being a very beautiful woman you have tenacity and courage that I’m sure everyone wishes they possessed.
I know that I am just another person sending you a message, but from the bottom of my heart you are amazing. I don’t mean to sound wanky.. ?
Happy Mother’s Day!!?❤️
Brilliant description of motherhood!
Even though it is a Sunday, it is mother’s day and I have been up since 5am to get my son to a mountain bike race I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Happy Mother’s Day!! You are simply amazing. You have put in to words the thoughts that I’ve never been able to get out. I’ve enjoyed getting to “know you” all the way from Colorado. As a Mom of twin 14 year old girls…the only bad thing about having children is how fast time goes by.
You & your partner are truly inspirational Turia. Thank you for sharing your take on life ??
I am 11 weeks away from our due date with our first, and up until now I have felt such excitement about the adventure to come! For some reason, it’s 4am and I’m awake, emotionally erratic (seriously, almost asleep one minute, awake and crying the next minute) and experiencing feelings of being a bit (or a lot) terrified of what’s to come! So reading this helps! It helps me to feel less like I’m completely nuts, and more like maybe my hormones are getting me ready for this motherhood thing! Thanks for posting!☺️