Dealing with hard times

Here’s my guide to getting through hard times.

1. Accept it. 
   A hard time is a hard time. Your hard time may be better than someone else’s hard time or it may be worse than someone else’s hard time. But, however you want to spin it, a sh*t time is a sh*t time. Accept it. There’s no need to temper it with an “at least ….”.

   Say to yourself “Yep, this is sh*t”.

   It’s amazing what we can do when we drop the BS facade that is “Everything’s OK”.

2.  Know that it’s ok if you can’t find the “lesson”.After the fire, there were days where I felt really low. Where I didn’t want to do my rehab or face the journey that was before me.On those days, I didn’t try to spin how I felt (see Point #1 above). I allowed myself to feel those emotions.

   I think that’s really important.

   Part of recovery, and part of happiness, is accepting how you really feel.

   If you’re going through a hard time, you don’t have to find a way to spin it! You don’t have to find the silver lining, or find the positive lesson in it straight away.

   The lessons are there, but you can find them later.

3. Change your focus.
   How? Ask yourself different questions.

   In the morning ask yourself:
   “What would make today great?”.

   And if you can’t get to “great”, try asking:
   “What would make today feel better?”

   Whatever the answer is – going for a walk, having a zoom catch up with your girlfriends, treating yourself to some new skincare products or making chicken soup – think of what your “better” is in the morning, look forward to it in the day, and make sure you do it.

4. Know that each hard time you face will only serve to fortify you.
   It would be wonderful if we could learn about resilience and grit and gumption by sitting in a classroom taking notes. Alas, the only way we learn resilience is by going through hard times. The only way we get grittier is by testing ourselves. And the only way we get gumption-ier is by bucking up when times gets tough.

   And I know you’d probably trade every ounce of resilience if it meant never having to experience hard times, but that’s unfortunately not the world we live in. There are gonna be good times in your life (mine too), and there are gonna be hard times too.

5. A little perspective can help.
   I turn to books for some perspective when I need it.  Holocaust survivor Eddie Jaku’s book The Happiest Man on Earth is brilliant. So is Sam Bailey’s Head Over Heels (the book I read constantly in my recovery). Movies can help too! Watch the movie Touching the Void and The Intouchables. 

6. Lastly, if you are going through a tough time right now, and you need support, please make sure you get some.
   From a professional. You get your car fixed by a mechanic, your teeth cleaned by a dentist, your face beautified by a beautician. Your heart and head deserve nothing less than a professional to help you. There are some bloody amazing services out there, I always recommend starting with Lifeline and Beyond Blue.

Sending you my love,

Turia x