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I heard a crunch underneath my foot

By November 10, 2020No Comments

I always remind Michael to do things.

In my eyes, it’s helpful – a thoughtful show of love and affection for my spouse.

“If you’re going to the shops, are you able to please get some butter?!” I call out to him before he leaves the house.

“Hmmm, it’s Sunday, which means the garbage truck comes tomorrow”, I mention to him while he’s stretched out on the couch.

Our system works for us most of the time.

Although, sometimes Michael forgets something, and then my reminding intensifies into the nagging “DON’T FORGET TO GET THE MAIL” kind. 

Friendly but firm, aggressive but passive, no?

Anyway.

One Thursday morning, I was rushing around the house like a rabbit on speed because…..

A CAMERA CREW was coming to my house. At 8am. For a photo shoot.

Sixteen people in total – hair and make up artists, stylists, photographers and their assistants – a veritable smorgasbord of cool people were about to arrive on my doorstep and attempt to make me and my life seem magical and whimsical and effortlessly stylish.

“Michael!” I barked. “Pick your towel off the floor.”

“Michael! Don’t just leave your spoon in the sink. Wash and dry it! Put it away!”

“Hakavai! Get every single one of your lego pieces off the carpet and into the box and into the cupboard! Hakavai! I’m sick of you leaving grapes all over the couch. EVERYONE GET MOVING. NOW!!!”

Effortless. Stylish.

And then I turned my attention to the front yard. What if three to four leaves had fallen from our neighbours gum tree during the night? And what if these leaves had the audacity to fall on our driveway and besmirch our property with their autumnal arrogance?!

So, I quickly trotted down the stairs and went outside to check.

On first glance, it appeared as though the front yard and driveway had been covered with tiny chocolate licorice logs.

And then I heard a crunch underneath my foot.

It was a dead cockroach.

In fact, the lawn was covered by hundreds of dead cockroaches. I inspected an un-crunched roach to the side of my right foot.

It was on its back like the proverbial beetle. It’s legs were stiffened by what I presumed was the cockroach version of rigor mortis. The sun glistened on its oily leg.

“MICHAELLLLLL!!!!!” I screamed.

He casually stuck his head out of the upstairs window.

Michael: “What’s up, darl?”
Turia: “There’s about ten million dead cockroaches in our yard!!!”
Michael: “Yeah! You’ve been nagging me for weeks to get the exterminator around. He came yesterday! Cool, huh?!”

A van pulled up.

The photographers had arrived.

Yes, Michael. Very cool.

No action to take today.

Just a story that I hope made you laugh.

Turia xx

PS – I won’t disgust you with the details but let me just be the authority on this particular topic: in this scenario, a leaf blower is not recommended.

PPS – Is your inbox not going “ding!” with a new letter from me each Thursday? You gotta join the letter gang mate! It’s the best thing I do every week – and very often, the best thing landing in inboxes across the country. Join us here. We love new gang members!

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