“I don’t look like any of the girls I see on Instagram and every time I think about it I feel like crap …”
That’s what a 15 year old girl wrote to me a little while ago.
Her name was Katie, and I answered her question in my new book for teens, Good Selfie.
That feeling Katie was experiencing – feeling less than – we’ve all felt that way.
And in the week or so since Good Selfie was released, this is the question people have been coming back to. In my media interviews, at events – Katie’s question has really struck a chord with so many.
It’s something I see mirrored in another question I get asked: ‘How are you so confident?’.
That’s honestly a question I get asked almost every single day.
Now, I know people don’t mean that in a nasty way, quite the opposite, but what they’re really asking is how I can be so confident when I look so different?
That fascination boils down to one thing
The perception that the ‘better’ we look, the more confidence we’ll have.
But I call bullshit on that.
I believe confidence is made up of a lot more than just our appearance.
Now, let me first say, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to present the best version of yourself to the world. Like, if I rocked up to a media interview or to give a speech with bed hair, unbrushed teeth, wearing ugg boots and dirty clothes, I wouldn’t feel as capable or as confident to talk to people about this stuff.
So yes, my confidence comes from my appearance, but it’s not the only thing I draw my confidence from.
It’s just one facet.
So, where do you get your confidence from?
Do you only feel confident when you look good? What about when you kick-ass at a project or work, or when your kids do something amazing, or when you’re hanging out with your friends?
Where do you get your confidence from?
For some people, this can be a really confronting question to answer. But luckily, I have a cool little activity to help you out.
It’s called the Confidence Pie. I share it in Good Selfie, but I think everyone can benefit from doing this exercise – not just kids.
So, what is it exactly?
Well, it’s a cool little circle that shows all the ways in which I feel confident. It looks a little like a pie chart (which is why I call it my Confidence Pie – I know, I’m very imaginative 😂).
I’d love you to download it here and fill it out. You’ll see I’ve included my own Confidence Pie as an example for you, plus a few extra pages from the Good Selfie ‘Confidence’ chapter for you to check out! (The Confidence Pie is on Page 6 of this pdf).
So, download it, fill it out and let me know what makes up your pie!
Head to the comments below and fill me in!
The reason I ask you to share in the comments is simple: sharing your pie “ingredients” might really help someone struggling to fill out their own pie. That’s a pretty cool thing to do.
With much love,
PS – Oh and Good Selfie is filled with lots of cool exercises like this one. If you know a kid or teen who could use some of this stuff, check out the book here. There’s an eBook version available too! Take a look.