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ConfidenceMindset StrategiesSelf Care

How to get your self-esteem out of the red

By September 13, 2018 22 Comments

Hey champ,

A few weeks ago I got an email from a lady named Kelly.

She said she’d been having some issues with friends and family, and it had her self esteem at an all time low.

She asked me “What can I do to start feeling good about myself again?”.

It’s a really good question, and I’m so bloody glad Kelly asked it … because we all deal with this feeling, yeah? It doesn’t matter if you’re a pro-athlete, a celebrated neurosurgeon or the world’s best hand model – no one is immune to dealing with low self esteem from time to time.

So, what advice did I give Kelly?

Here’s my take on things:

The way I look at it, we all have a self-esteem ‘bank account’. Being kind to yourself, being able to look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a compliment, accepting other people’s compliments graciously – all of these things put a ‘deposit’ in your account. The same goes for positive interactions with people – each one makes you feel good about yourself, and leaves a little credit in your account.

Negative interactions with people are withdrawals from your account. People staring overtly at you could make you self-conscious and therefore could be a withdrawal. Someone saying to you: “Do you really need that second piece of cake?”** – that could be another withdrawal.

Add lots of these negative interactions together and you’re looking at a self esteem account in the red.

Here’s the thing:
There will always be people or situations that  – either inadvertently or on purpose – will make a withdrawal from your self-esteem account when you deal with them. The important thing is to be aware of it, and to make enough deposits yourself to create enough of a cushion that you don’t even notice.

You can start by:

  • accepting compliments

  • giving yourself a compliment every time you look in the mirror

  • hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself

  • working on your self-talk! (PS There’s stacks of self talk tips inside my eBook Mindset Magic)

The more deposits you make, the bigger your buffer will be for dealing with the negative stuff in life.

OK, over to you.

I wanna know:

  1. One compliment you can give yourself right now, and;

  2. One other small deposit you could make in your self esteem account TODAY?


👉Let me know in the comments below 👈

Get chatting in those comments, I really want to hear from you!

Turia xx

PS If you want more tips for building confidence, smashing goals and overcoming negative self chat, check out Mindset Magic! More than 10,000 people have downloaded this little eBook of mine and I can’t wait for you to get stuck in too!

**Oh and yeah, maybe hang out with this person a little less!

Join the discussion 22 Comments

  • Sonia says:

    1. I am a kind and loving person
    2. I am blessed with good health and a beautiful family.

    Thanks Turia, you are such an inspiration.

    Much love,
    Sonia

  • Terri Cause says:

    Love love love this. We all need to say more positive to ourselves. And surround yourself with people that vibe with your soul xo

  • I manage to get out at 5am for a 8 km run every morning 7 days a week. I feel proud that I do so, come sun, rain or snow! 🏃

    I know that I am very good at writing small but funny stories about myself and my life and what happens around me. In Danish though 😁

  • Nanette Gardner says:

    I am very organised. Love a list.

    I am proud to be exercising regularly and working toward a marathon for my 65th birthday (in a years time)

  • Katherine says:

    It’s the week before ‘The Week’ and I always find myself in a really negative mindset around this time of the month.

    When I’m feeling like this I find it really hard to crawl out of it. Receiving your email was something I didn’t even know I needed today so thank you!

    1. One compliment you can give yourself right now:

    You are a happy, beautiful person.

    2. One other small deposit you could make in your self esteem account TODAY?

    Breathe, you are so much stronger than you think you are. You can do this!

  • Kylie Herman says:

    A compliment for myself: You are living your best life “Ever” …. you did it, just as you said you would 🙂

    Kylie you’ve made things happen and you will get it done, no matter the task…I believe in you 🙂 (My own affirmation for myself)

  • Malakai Taumoha'apai says:

    Thanks Turia
    You such a brilliant coach
    So clear and after reading your post on this topic it’s true that many like myself tend to focus on nothing that is important and unreal. Thank you Turia for this gem. I needed it as I continue my self development and self examination, and career change after time off for family. Much love and new blessingd

  • Maria says:

    Hello, that was worth the read. One compliment is since i am running a start-up foundation, i tell myself, that maria you are so brave and you got this, girl, you thrive.
    A small deposit would be that i would stop listening to people and their opinions about me and hang out a little less with those who withdraw from me.

  • Randi Shapiro says:

    I am an “early bird” and I truly believe that “the early bird gets the worm”

    I am a very friendly, nice person 🙂

  • Charlotte de Klerk says:

    I feel proud that I still train 6 times a week at 57 years of age.
    I feel proud that I can paint pretty pictures.

  • Karen Joyce says:

    I really get that part about self talk. A good reminder to ease up on the self demolition talk. Mine is like a stuck record sometimes. Great reminder to fill up a bit with more thoughts that are kinder to self! 😍

  • Carmen Sin says:

    I set a goal for myself to swim at least once a week. Each week I push myself just to swim a little longer distance than the session before. I swam 2km last week. Swimming free my thinking, I focus on swimming alone. All the negative feeling seems to be wash away temporarily. Also, I wanna have a conversation with at least one person each day and try to compliment him/her.

  • Pagi says:

    I am proud that I didn’t look at anyone with hate today.
    I am proud that I look after my parents and do a good job.

  • Ashley Engh says:

    I am proud of how I check in on my close friends and family and making sure they feel loved and supported in life.
    An autumn print that I ordered called “Echoes of Trick or Treat” by Catherine Holman came in the mail today. Later this evening I’m going to find a frame and get that baby on the whole and start enjoying it 🙂 AND I’m going to start reading your e-book, “Mindset Magic” that I purchased today. I’m looking forward to reading it and applying what I learn in my life.

    XOXO from Minnesota, US 🙂

  • Ashley Engh says:

    I am proud of how I check in on my close friends and family and making sure they feel loved and supported in life.
    An autumn print that I ordered called “Echoes of Trick or Treat” by Catherine Holman came in the mail today. Later this evening I’m going to find a frame and get that baby on the wall and start enjoying it 🙂 AND I’m going to start reading your e-book, “Mindset Magic” that I purchased today. I’m looking forward to reading it and applying what I learn in my life.

    XOXO from Minnesota, US 🙂

  • Tamara says:

    1. I am proud of my grit and determination.
    2. I have committed to helping new and expectant parents by raising funds for COPE’s Mother Jumpers event (which means I’m jumping out of a plane, and that’s pretty bloody scary!). Helping others makes me feel good about myself.

  • CM says:

    One compliment: I am more than able to do what I need to do, I just have to take small steps like resting to know my goals and making effort towards them.

    One other small deposit today: I need to sweat. I will go to the gym this morning for 1 hour

  • Julie Sheppard says:

    At the ripe age of 58, im so proud of my fitness/running achievments and supporting many friends and family with emotional ,fitness advice.I feel over the past few months with having challenging physical and mental issues I have overcome many hurdles and feel a stronger person in so many ways.I feel we really need to go a few steps backwards to move forward.Im proud to be me.

  • LeeAnne says:

    I am happy I was able to focus on family for a few hours rather than sit in my doldrems and self pity.
    I am proud I forced myself to get outside and exercise when my mind and body were fighting against it, even if it was only 20 mins. Felt better for it

  • JM says:

    My baby is happy, healthy. confident and brings so much joy to everyone she meets. I’m a great mum.

    I successfully fixed our toilet today. I also washed my hair.

  • Tanya says:

    1. I started Karate ! I love it
    2. I am artistic and very active

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